after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
