your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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