So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Never joke about your clitoris.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
