Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
