Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
