if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
