RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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