the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
