a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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