..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
