I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
