so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
