You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
