Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
