she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
