Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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