Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
