you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
