He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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