It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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