i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
