What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dick very happy bro
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
