Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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