We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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