i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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