Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
