I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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