well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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