I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
