"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
