I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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