You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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