I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
