47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
