her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
