This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
