Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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