she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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