it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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