I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
