After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
