i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
