I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
