So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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