Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had sex on a roof
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
