new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
