Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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