Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
