Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
