My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
