I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
