can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
