Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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