Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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