I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
