**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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