yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
