Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
