I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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