whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
