I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
